Happy Halloween, everyone! Sadly, I have no hot plans for tonight, other than celebrating my cat’s birthday with a cake lovingly made from all her favorite foodstuffs: tuna, peppermint tea bags, squashed bugs, and used Q-tips. This is a crying shame, because I’ve been looking for an excuse to dress up like Jem, spiky pink hair and all (for those too young to appreciate the reference, Jem was the Hannah Montana of the eighties, except Jem utilized cutting-edge hologram technology to transform from her drab alter ego into a glamorous rock star, whereas Hannah just tosses on a blonde wig. Advantage: Jem).Hey, I just took a look at my website statistics, and it looks like my Heroes recaps have picked up a healthy bunch of weekly lurkers. This is great, though please know you’re also welcome to join in on the comment-thread madness following the recaps. The comments (much like the recaps) tend to be a free-form amalgam of genial snark and half-baked analysis; the more, the merrier.
While I was examining my stats, I also looked at the Google keywords people have used to find this site. While hopefully everyone found answers to their questions during their visit here, I thought I’d single out a few for personal replies, just to make sure no one left disappointed:
the slogan on sylar's apron says what?
“Hail to the Chef”, complete with Presidential logo. Not as spit-take hilarious as Maya’s “World’s Greatest Dad” apron last season, but funny nonetheless. Plus: timely!
why is claire special heroes
It’s a mystery, isn’t it?
too many blondes on heroes
Yes.
movie about school preppies fighting against street gangs.
No idea. If you ever figure it out, please let me know, because it sounds awesome. In the meantime, you might enjoy Tuff Turf, a 1984 tour de force starring James Spader as a rebellious preppy from Connecticut who moves to a tough section of Los Angeles (er… Reseda, actually) and tangles with a street gang. It co-stars a somewhat dazed Robert Downey, Jr., and features some fabulous eighties fashions and a Marianne Faithfull/Jim Carroll soundtrack. I love this movie more than words can express.
If I were a powerful studio head, I’d greenlight any screenplay that was pitched to me as “School preppies fighting against ___________”. Fill in that blank any way you’d like. Street gangs? Zombies? Bike messengers? Accountants? I’d throw money at it.
mohinder’s speech end of second coming
mohinder quote the second coming
Some poem.
masi oka prima donna
No. He’s a darling. A little subdued, maybe, but genuinely nice. In fact, every bleeding last Hero I met during last year’s WGA strike—Sendhil Ramamurthy, Greg Grunberg, Jack Coleman, Dania Ramirez, Cristine Rose, Dana Davis, Masi Oka, Ali Larter—was a total sweetheart. They’re just nice people. They smile and hug a lot. I genuinely liked each and every one of them.
matt parkman daddy issue
Yes, though I’m guessing Peter, Nathan, and Sylar will soon have daddy issues that’ll make Matt’s look like small potatoes.
petrelli superdickery
Nathan, yes; Angela, yes; Arthur, yes; Sylar, yes; Peter, no.
how would you make peter petrelli more powerful?
Better question: why would you want to? Before his daddy stole his abilities and took the T-bird away, he had more powers than he knew what to do with, and he wasn’t doing much with any of them.
heroes peter petrelli criticism stupid character
Yes. Terribly stupid. But I like him anyway.
heroes, "irish stereotypes"
Yes. Ghastly. And it’s all Peter’s fault.
"history boys"+"slash fiction"
Outstanding idea. If none exists, please write some and send me the link.
ben grimm slash fiction
God, no.
sendhil ramamurthy physique
shirtless mohinder
Fantastic and yes, please.
"sendhil ramamurthy" wife
Yes. She’s a total babe with her own successful acting career. They’ve been married for a decade. They’ve procreated. They seem happy and well-balanced. Depressing, I know.
how do you get passed the mines in telepath rampage 2
Try hitting R2-X-circle-circle-square… no. No, I have no idea. Look, when it comes to gaming, I fail. I can’t make it past the baby levels of Lego Star Wars. I’m the wrong person to ask. I’m sorry.
how do u spell apocalypse
Nailed it in one.
Presented without comment, because sometimes things are funnier without editorializing:
is that really tobias menzies' penis
hung heroes volume 2
penis magnifying glass gag gifts
Comments
On a similar note, I read one review about "The Karate Kid" wondering why a street-smart Jersey kid kept getting beat up by Encino preppies...
http://www.halcyon.com/piglet/ozites/oz0373.htm
I'm glad to hear that the website statistics are still as source of entertainment.
I'd argue, however, that it's not that there are too many blondes on heroes. It's that one of them is far more entertaining when someone has forced her mouth shut so she can't talk. (Not naming any names, but it's definitely not the speedster, and it's not Ali Larter's character du jour. It's not even mommy with the flaming fingers.)
How come no one is Googling for "heroes best turtle ever"? Or "turtles rule"?
The Outsiders pales in comparison to Tuff Turf. Give me Spader and RDjr against Howell, Macchio, Cruise, Swayze, Estevez and Dillon any day.
(I shamelessly stole this idea, BTW)
From the endlessly quotable Joel Stein, no less. Joel Stein gives good soundbites.