Heroes Volume Four, Chapter Eight: Into Asylum

Dear Heroes,

For future reference, please note the following:

If the promo for an upcoming episode includes previously-unseen footage of Mohinder, please make sure the episode in question actually has Mohinder in it.

This holds particularly true if the footage: a) shows Mohinder wearing a ridiculous yet fetching paperboy cap a la Newsies, and b) is paired with a cheeky narration about how Sylar is “back on the prowl,” thus raising hopes the episode will feature a triumphant return to the wildly entertaining and vaguely homoerotic Sylar-Mohinder escapades of seasons past.

That is all.

Hugs and kisses,

Morgan

Patzcuaro, Mexico: Nathan and Claire check into a hotel. Nathan claims he’s trying to protect Claire: “Even Danko’s reach doesn’t extend south of the border.” I don’t know about that, Nathan. Danko’s goons nabbed Hiro in Tokyo, after all. Claire pawns a necklace (she makes a quip about getting quick cash by selling her kidneys twice over. Aw, I like Claire when she’s being funny). Nathan tries to do his part to raise money by getting into a drinking contest with some frat boys. He loses, but Claire and her indestructible liver are game for a rematch. She gets blitzed on tequila, bitches about Nathan, and drinks a frat boy under the table.

Back at the hotel, a drunk and weepy Nathan tells a sober and weepy Claire, “I get a pit in my stomach every time I think of you.” I usually get a wave of nausea every time I think of Claire, but she may be my favorite character this episode. In the morning, Nathan pawns his watch to get Claire’s necklace back, and they head back to the States.

In New York, Angela and Peter get rained on a lot. They take refuge in a cathedral, where Angela frets about how she can’t have any prophetic visions because she’s not getting enough sleep. She also frets about how she didn’t give Peter enough support as a child and how he must hate her as a result. Angela, I am sad to say, is a total drip this episode. Angela prays; Peter wallows in self-pity. It is theoretically possible, I suppose, for this plotline to be even crappier, but as it stands, it’s pretty wretched. Angela rambles on about how she once wanted to be a schoolteacher, but then she developed her ability and realized the world was an awful place, so she had to become evil and manipulative instead. She tells Peter, with maximum sanctimony, “It’s the price I chose to pay to save the world.” This is the precise moment when I start to loathe Angela, just a little. When Danko’s goons invade the cathedral, Bennet spots Peter and Angela, but lets them go. Angela then has a vision which tells her to find Nathan and Claire to reunite the family before going in search of her sister.

Arlington, Virginia: Danko and Bennet find three murdered agents who were on the trail of some guy named Martin, who is in possession of an unknown ability. Danko returns to his car to find a friendly and flirtatious Sylar in the back seat. Sylar offers to help Danko track down Martin. For some reason known only to some lonely soul in the music department, Del Shannon’s “Runaway” plays during this scene.

Back at Building 26, Bennet is still trying to sell Danko on his “One of us, one of them” approach. Give it a rest, Noah! That ship has sailed. Sylar mails Danko the body of another agent killed by Martin and fills Danko in on Martin’s ability: shape-shifting. Danko and Sylar meet up again at Martin’s house. When Danko threatens to shoot Sylar, Sylar scoffs, “The part of my brain that you’d need to hit to kill me is microscopic.” Huh? Since when? They’re just making this stuff up as they go along, aren’t they? Sylar and Danko sort through all of Martin’s crap to find some clue to his location, all while indulging in a buttload of that armchair psychoanalysis Heroes does so well (poorly. I meant to write “poorly”). Sylar finds a matchbook for a nightclub and deduces that this is where Martin hangs out every night. As a detective, Sylar, you’re a outstanding serial killer.

Danko and Sylar head off to the flashy nightclub together, which is the setup for a slash fiction story I never want to read. The shape-shifter: a) has chosen to impersonate Danko, and b) is currently nuzzling with a hot twenty-something brunette. Credulity is officially strained.

Martin spots Sylar and Danko and takes off. He mimics Sylar, but Danko isn’t fooled. He lures him outside and shoots him, but leaves him alive so Sylar can steal his ability. Danko triumphantly presents Bennet with the corpse of “Sylar”, then takes off with the real Sylar, who is having far too much fun with his new shape-shifting ability.

Huh. A mixed bag. Of the three plotlines, the Claire-Nathan one was cute but inessential, the Sylar-Danko one was pretty spiffy, and the Angela-Peter one was right on the cusp of unwatchable. Overall, the episode falls squarely in the middle of the road. Would the sight of Mohinder in a paperboy cap have bumped up the score? Yes. Yes, it most certainly would. Perhaps next episode.