White Collar: Out of the Box

Season finale time! Neal skips out of an FBI briefing early, claiming that June is throwing a champagne brunch. Neal is probably the only person on the FBI payroll in all of the history of the FBI who could plausibly get his boss’ permission to skip a meeting to attend a champagne brunch. Such is the power of Neal’s charm and cheekbones. Anyway, Neal isn’t actually brunching -- he’s sneakily meeting with Alex to discuss their plans to steal the music box. Naturally enough, this meeting takes place in a swimming pool, and naturally enough, Alex makes Neal strip to the buff and go skinny dipping so that he can prove he’s not wearing a wire. This is a very good show.

(Neal’s tracking device on his ankle remains on and active, however. Apparently those puppies are waterproof. You learn something new every day.)

Naked Alex tells naked Neal the box is in a safe at the Italian consulate. They scheme to crash an upcoming party.

Neal secretly meets with corrupt FBI agent Fowler (Noah Emmerich) and tells him he’ll give him the music box in exchange for Kate. Their meeting takes place in a parking garage. About half of this episode consists of top-secret meetings in shady locations. Not complaining; just observing.

Anyway, Peter, who is not fooled by Neal’s professed penchant for champagne brunches, studies the data from Neal’s tracking device and realizes Neal has been staking out the parking garage. Peter trails Neal and secretly observes his meeting with Fowler.

Neal, Mozzie and Alex concoct an elaborate plan to party-crash: Mozzie has infiltrated the caterers, Neal is donating a priceless Italian sculpture to the consulate in exchange for a party invitation, and Alex has been cozying up to a Duke with an extra invitation to the event.

Meanwhile, dastardly Agent Fowler, who has been keeping Neal under surveillance, calls his unidentified superior to tell him Peter is on their trail. His superior orders him to take Peter out of the picture.

Neal strolls around his apartment, shirtless and well-oiled, while lovingly sculpting a naked statue of Vulcan to donate to the Italian embassy. I like it when the show gets sort of porny. Alex stops by, and they squabble about their relationship/lack of a relationship for a while, then Neal notices that Fowler has managed to deactivate his ankle bracelet.

Fowler bursts into Elizabeth’s office, searching for contraband. Peter rushes to her assistance, and chaos erupts. Peter punches Fowler, Elizabeth is arrested, and Peter takes a two-week suspension. Worse, all of Elizabeth’s caviar gets confiscated! Is there nothing Fowler won’t stoop to?

Peter secretly meets with Agent Diana Lancing (Marsha Thomason), who appeared in the original White Collar pilot before being replaced by Natalie Morales as Agent Cruz. I don’t know the reason behind the substitution, but I think the show may have erred in switching actresses: Cruz has barely registered as a character in the entire first season (which might be due more to her lack of screentime than to Morales’ performance), whereas Diana seems kind of awesome just in her appearance here: fun and brainy and competent. Anyway, Peter asks Diana to investigate Fowler find something to use against him.

Neal, Alex and Mozzie all crash the consulate party as planned. Everyone at the party, from Alex’s date to the consulate officials to the party guests, is ridiculously attractive, and they all wear fancy clothes and quaff champagne while hanging out in the consulate’s opulent ballroom. It’s pretty fabulous. I like how White Collar presents an incredibly idealized and glamorous version of New York, where everyone has money and great hair and fantastic cheekbones. It’s like Gossip Girl, only skewing to an older demographic. And with fewer twerps. Anyway, Neal commands the floor and makes a toast, where he introduces himself as an internationally-renowned art thief who’s going to rob the place. Points for honesty, Neal. Security grabs him and hustles him away to a back room, where they interrogate him. Because it wouldn’t be White Collar without Neal getting either tied up or roughed up, they manhandle him sexily for a while. The appeal of this show is obvious.

Meanwhile, Alex casually places lipstick cases in all the decorative potted plants in the ballroom. The lipsticks contain cartridges of gas, which explode and spur an evacuation of the party. In the chaos, Mozzie manages to fool the security cameras by use of a digital camera to cover for Neal, who smashes open his counterfeit statue and retrieves the safe-cracking tools hidden inside. He opens the safe and steals the jewelry box… which Alex promptly steals from him before high-tailing it out of the consulate.

Later, however, Alex has a change of heart. She drops by Neal’s apartment, sort of vaguely proclaims her love for him, and gives him the music box. In turn, Neal hands it off to Fowler, who gives him a folder containing a new identity as well as instructions on where to meet Kate.

Neal bids June and Mozzie farewell, then sends flowers and a disposable cell phone to Elizabeth. Elizabeth calls him, and he tells her goodbye as well, though not before Elizabeth, like every single other character in this episode, suggests that Kate might not be the right woman for him.

Diana breaks into Fowler’s office and downloads secret files from his laptop. Fowler catches her in the parking garage, but Peter arrives and shoots him before he can kill her. Fowler, however, was wearing a bulletproof vest, so he lives to annoy Peter and Neal for another season.

Neal, brand-new identity in hand, hurries to meet Kate at an airstrip. Kate waves to him happily from her seat on the plane.

Question: In the history of film and television, has there ever been as scene where someone waves happily from the window of a plane where that plane hasn’t blown up immediately thereafter? Just wondering.

Peter arrives and tries to talk Neal out of flying off with Kate. He asks why Neal said goodbye to everyone except for him; Neal explains it was because Peter’s the only one who’d be able to change his mind, which is sort of sweet. Neal starts to walk toward the plane, then stops and turns back to Peter.

And, yep, the plane explodes.

That’s it for the first season of White Collar. New episodes return in the summer.