Battlestar Galactica: Sometimes a Great Notion

Previously on Battlestar Galactica: Tigh, Tyrol, Tory, and Anders were outed as Cylons, Dualla put up with a lot of nonsense from her insufferable husband, and the fleet joined up with some of the Cylons and found Earth. Good thing everyone was already accustomed to disappointment.

Everyone glumly wanders around the scorched and radioactive surface of Earth, which, they estimate, was nuked about two thousand years ago. They find a number of skeletons and the broken parts of an unknown Centurion model. Everyone initially assumes this means the members of the Thirteenth Tribe who settled on Earth developed their own Cylons, who then rebelled and destroyed them, but Baltar determines the skeletons are Cylon in nature -- the Thirteenth Tribe consisted entirely of Cylons.

Starbuck and Leoben wander off together and find the charred remains of a Viper, the same one in which Starbuck made her miraculous return to the Galactica following her presumed death and her initial discovery of Earth. Weird! They also find the charred remains of Starbuck sitting in the pilot’s seat. Weirder! Even creepy Leoben thinks this is freaky and disturbing.

A weirded-out Starbuck builds a funeral pyre and burns her own corpse. The ghosts of Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Yoda smile beatifically in the background.

On Earth, Tyrol has a vision of himself wandering through a bustling marketplace and getting vaporized by the nuclear blast. Anders finds a burned guitar and starts singing “All Along the Watchtower.” Tory, Tyrol and Anders put their Cylon heads together and realize they all used to live on Earth, two thousand years ago.

Apollo wrings his hands and frets about what he’s going to tell the Quorum re: the craptastic nature of Earth. Dualla gives him a pep talk about how he’s totally awesome and buff and way cooler than anyone on the Quorum, which inspires him to ask her out on a date. Dualla (who, after half a season of hiding in the background, receives a whole lot of suspicious and ominous attention, including a totally pointless interlude in which she babysits Hera for Helo and Athena) gets gussied up in a fancy dress and has a great time.

Post-date, Dualla returns to the officers’ quarters humming happily to herself. She chats with Gaeta about what a great time she had with her ex-husband. As soon as Gaeta leaves, Dualla shoots herself in the head.

Gaeta rushes back and, with Seelix’s help, tries to revive her, but to no avail. Aw, Dualla. Poor girl. I didn’t think you’d make it to the end of the series, but I’d hoped you’d be given a better send-off, or at least a less inexplicable one. Gaeta, meanwhile, has the stricken look of a man who has just realized that, with Dualla’s death, the Galactica is now crewed entirely by people who keep trying to kill and/or maim him. Except for Hoshi, I guess. Hey, speaking of Gaeta’s ongoing spiral into insanity and despair (we weren’t, I know, but these days any mention of Gaeta contains an implicit reference to his ongoing spiral into insanity and despair), has everyone seen the new Gaetacentric webisodes? They’re pretty good, but damn, they’re bound and determined to strip every last vestige of dignity and sanity from Gaeta before his inevitable messy end, aren’t they?

Roslin deals with the discovery that she has led the entire fleet into despair as best she can, i.e. by burning all her guiding scriptures and skipping her cancer treatments. Adama arrives and tries to give her a pep talk (this episode is heavy on pep talks), but Roslin is inconsolable. The magic fairy of humility and self-awareness pays her a long-overdue visit, and she tearfully confesses she’s been wrong about everything. Yup. You sure have, lady. There is a valuable lesson here about not risking the lives of thousands based upon your own personal drug-induced religious visions. Should’ve been obvious.

Adama boozes it up, gnaws on the scenery, sobs over Dualla’s corpse, gnaws on the scenery some more, grabs a gun, and stalks manfully down the newly graffiti-bedazzled corridors of the Galactica, which, in the absence of competent leadership, are now teeming with distraught crew members and erupting fisticuffs. Adama confronts Tigh, whereupon he nastily insults Tigh’s skeezy dead wife Ellen and goads him into pulling a gun on him. Not cool, Adama. Nobody gets to insult (and/or murder) skeezy dead Ellen, except for Tigh. Some things are sacred. Tigh, who, weirdly, has become the more mature and stable party in their unhealthy codependent dynamic, is appropriately disgusted with this nonsense. He refuses to kill Adama just because Adama’s feeling crappy about Dualla. Adama sobs and emotes and tells a tiresome story about his childhood. This episode clocked in a couple minutes over standard running length, and while for the most part it zips along at a zesty pace, right here would have been a most excellent place to start cropping it down to size.

Adama eventually pulls himself together and gives a pep talk to the fleet about how they’re going to find some place even awesomer than Earth. The fleet is not impressed.

Back on Earth, Tigh tells D’anna the fleet is ready to jump away. D’anna refuses to leave, claiming she’d rather die on crappy old Earth than keep running from Cavil and the other hostile Cylons. Tigh spaces out and wanders hip-deep into the ocean, whereupon he has a vision of himself on Earth during the nuclear attack. He sees himself cradling an injured and dying Ellen, who tells him not to worry: “We’ll be reborn again, together.”

Tigh snaps back to his senses and realizes Ellen is the Final Cylon. Well, okay then. Sort of random, but I’ve liked Kate Vernon ever since her performance as James Spader’s vile rich girlfriend in Pretty in Pink, so I’ll accept it.

So Ellen’s a Cylon, the Cylons are Earthlings, Dualla is dead, Starbuck is not Starbuck, Adama is boozy, Roslin is weepy, and Apollo is… pretty much unaffected by it all. Good times. Nice to have you back, gang.