Fun With Keywords: Zombies of the Apocalypse Version

My book Lonely Satellite has reached the quarterfinals of the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award (ABNA). As many of you may recall, I’ve been to this dance a couple of times before: Bias Cut was an ABNA semi-finalist in 2012, while Charlotte Dent was a semi-finalist back in the competition’s debut year in 2008. I haven’t won ABNA yet, and I don’t expect that will change this year (Lonely Satellite is meeting with a cool reception, which is weird; it's like readers maybe aren't looking for a post-apocalyptic alternate-timeline gay romance?), though anything's possible.

If you like, you can head over to Amazon and download the first five thousand words for free. If you’re feeling especially inspired and/or pro-Morgan, go ahead and post a review. Be sure to check out some of the excerpts from the other contestants while you’re there; there are a slew of talented writers in the mix. Like Thomas Mays, whose book A Sword Into Darkness just might win it all. I’d be okay with that. He seems like a thoroughly cool guy, even if he did proclaim us archenemies on Twitter.

Enough ABNA talk. Let’s do some keywords! Because nothing is ever private on the internet, here are some of the search phrases people have entered into Google to find this website over the past few months:

zombies of the apocalypse duran duran
Eh, zombies, preppies, close enough. You’ve found the right place.

gay pic in 1 hr
You know, you can find gay pictures in considerably less than one hour, what with the internet and all.

"greg grunberg" "farted"
Somewhere, Greg Grunberg is reading this after doing a quick vanity Google and thinking, “…the hell, dude?”

the color of the werewolf eyes in teen wolf
Lordy. If there’s any rhyme or reason to the color of werewolf eyes on Teen Wolf, I don’t know what it is. Non-Alpha Derek and (briefly) Jackson are blue-eyed werewolves, while Alpha Derek and Alpha Peter have red eyes, and Scott, Isaac, Erica and Boyd all have yellow eyes. You’d think it’d have something to do with this Alpha-Beta-Omega nonsense, but there doesn’t seem to be much correlation. Please note: My Teen Wolf knowledge is only accurate through the end of Season Two, which is when Jackson sauntered off the show, along with my remaining interest in watching it. So maybe in the interim the eye color issue has been explained away to everyone’s satisfaction. (Oh, who am I kidding? This is Teen Wolf! Nothing is ever explained away to anyone’s satisfaction!)

actor william russ miami vice evan
That nice dad from Boy Meets World was great in his guest appearance on Miami Vice, wasn’t he? Just a crazy, messed-up, drunken, dangerous wreck of a character. “Evan” is a damn fine episode of a damn fine show.


best miami vice episode ever
I have a whole bunch of picks for the very best episode. “Evan” is very high on that list.

adam lambert duran duran
This is a musical pairing that has only happened in my brain, though it’d be pretty fabulous. Nile Rodgers, please make this happen.

andy taylor loves nick rhodes
Well, I’m sure relationships between bandmates, especially bandmates in a wildly successful band like Duran Duran, are often too complex to sum up with simple emotions like “loves” or “hates.” However, the anecdotal evidence presented in Andy Taylor’s memoir Wild Boy: My Life in Duran Duran (hurled pork pies! icy silences! shouting matches! inappropriate suggestions for uses of baseball bats!) would seem to indicate that Andy does not love Nick Rhodes.


duran duran always have women in their videos
Usually, but not always. The safe-for-MTV version of “Wild Boys”, for instance, is an all-boy affair, though the incorrigible lads do manage to shoehorn a topless Wild Girl into the extended version. I mean, of course they do.

hal sparks spice boy
Nope. Having worked on Talk Soup during both the John Henson and Hal Sparks eras, I can say conclusively that “Spice Boys” was a Henson sketch. Need proof? Some helpful person has put it up on YouTube for posterity, Zeus only knows why.

hardy boys season one, hong kong dubbing
Yeah, the dubbing on The Hardy Boys tended to be all over the place, with that Hong Kong episode being a particularly egregious offender. Sometimes I think that show didn’t have the keenest and most rigorous attention to production detail.

bruno tonioli elton john video
I’m Still Standing.” Fabulous song, fabulous video. Kind of the theme song for my life these days. Bruno plays the sexy doorman who showed up to work without any pants on. Which I’m pretty sure has happened to all of us at some point or another.


in arrow sin calls colton haynes abercrombie
It’s a cute in-joke. Arrow’s beautiful Colton Haynes is an Abercrombie & Fitch model; thus, Sin always calls Roy “Abercrombie” (and Thea, after her first encounter with Roy, describes his face as “Abercrombie-looking”).

sin roy and thea
Team Awesome!  I would happily watch Sin, Roy and Thea incompetently fighting crime while mismanaging a nightclub in their own Arrow spin-off.

tv show from the 90s with the guy that's in criminal minds
I'm going to go with... Dharma & Greg.


john taylor duran movie clips
Oh, lordy. Yeah, John’s been in a few movies. I adore John, and he seems like a great guy, and thus I hate saying anything mean-spirited about him, but… look, just watch him stumble his way through his two brief lines of dialogue in this clip from his appearance on a Miami Vice episode,  and you’ll see why film stardom was not in John’s cards.

slade and roy arrow
I love Slade, and I love Roy, so I’m on the record as grousing, loudly, about the limited amount of Slade-Roy interaction on Arrow. We get one super-powered handshake, one super-powered punch to the face, and one kidnapping that takes place entirely off-screen. It’s not enough, man. Not nearly enough.


manu bennett arrow season 3
No idea. I hope Manu Bennett is still around when Arrow’s third season starts in the fall, because Slade is too cool of a villain to lose.

so i got my boots on video
That’d be the video for Adam Lambert’s “If I Had You,” in which he’s got his boots on, he’s got the right ‘mount of leather, and he’s doing himself up with a black color liner. There are people out there who don’t like Adam Lambert. Those people are all fools. Fools, I say! Adam’s delightful.


teen wolf all the boys
Oh, they’re all very lovely. My personal ranking of favorites goes thusly: 1) Jackson, 2) Isaac, 3) Derek, and then I start getting into tricky judgment calls. Do I pick Danny next, or Boyd? Mr. Harris, or Chris Argent? And where does Scott factor into all this? It gets confusing.

what did jackson turn into after being a kanima
Wow, that whole kanima plotline was kind of a garbled mess, huh? Jackson was the kanima, and then he killed himself at Gerard’s behest and started to evolve into a some kind of souped-up extra-special kanima, and then Derek and Peter killed him again, and then he came back to life as a werewolf.

what kind of flute is john playing is john from duran duran save a prayer video    
That’s Nick, actually, playing the pan flute on the beach in the “Save a Prayer” video, back when he and John had similar haircuts and a weird ability to be mistaken for each other.


Not convinced that's Nick? Here’s a behind-the-scenes shot:


why is jonny lee miller described as edgy
Let’s consider the evidence:
  1. In his two highest-profile roles—Trainspotting and, now, Elementary—he’s played cheerfully debauched drug addicts.
  2. He has a tattoo of a rat on his arm.
  3. He used to be married to Angelina Jolie.
  4. Angelina Jolie has described him, fondly, as being “kind of wild.”
why dont i get wet during foreplay or during sex
Oh, honey. This is not the right website for help with that.

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