Covert Affairs: South Bound Suarez

Ah, the life of a CIA agent. Annie’s important mission this week: Cozy up to a leggy Venezuelan soccer player/ Georgetown student named Diego (Michael Steger). Diego’s sister Julia (Lana Parrilla), a banker in Caracas, is the mistress of a crimelord named Victor (Julian Acosta). With Julia’s assistance, Victor has been embezzling millions of dollars out of the accounts of US oil conglomerates. The CIA, keenly invested in the plight of those poor, downtrodden oil companies, wants to use Julia to bring Victor down.

(Seriously, oil companies? I don’t think Covert Affairs could have come up with a less sympathetic victim. Oh, sure, it’s mentioned that Victor is using the influx of embezzled funds to dangerously destabilize the Venezuelan economy, which is a legitimate-sounding concern, but… oil companies??? My heart, it bleeds.)

To get close to Diego, Annie poses as a Smithsonian worker who spends her weekends playing soccer with a gaggle of nubile college students. Oh, hell, why not? Diego, naturally, falls prey to Annie’s charms and agrees to help convince his sister to betray Victor. In exchange, the CIA will provide US citizenship and protection for Diego and Julia.

While cute, Diego is sort of annoying and grope-happy with Annie, which the episode attributes, unsuccessfully, to him being one of those hot-blooded Latin types. I’ve never found unchecked lechery to be an especially charming and endearing character trait (to her credit, neither does Annie); between Auggie and Conrad in the pilot and now Diego, Covert Affairs could do with fewer horny Alpha males hovering around.

(Annie, by the way, speaks fluent Spanish to Diego. Spanish, Russian, Sinhalese… counting English, we’re up to four of her six languages.)

Meanwhile, on the streets of Caracas, a CIA agent named Lopez is ambushed by Victor and his gang of armed henchmen. Victor strangles Lopez to death with his necklace, which features a gold 20 bolívares coin on a gold chain. After murdering Lopez, Victor presents the necklace as a gift to Julia. Villainy established.

While Annie spells out the plan to Diego, Auggie hovers on a nearby bench and (sightlessly) monitors the situation. Back at Domestic Protection Division headquarters, Joan chides Auggie for putting himself at risk -- he’s not sanctioned for field duty -- and kindly but firmly tells him his days as a field agent are over.

In Joan’s office, Annie and Joan discuss Annie’s upcoming mission to escort Diego to Caracas. Annie’s weirdly elaborate cover: She’s Diego’s girlfriend, who also happens to be a Smithsonian employee visiting Venezuela to obtain a letter James Madison wrote to Simon Bolivar. It seems like they could have probably done entirely without the second half of that cover, no? Annie shows off her new Smithsonian ID badge to Joan; Joan glances at it, winces, and says, “Too bad about the photo.”

I love Joan.

Sexy Jai lurks in the doorway during all this, looking adorably worried. When Annie leaves, he tells Joan they’ve lost contact with their Caracas agent, Lopez.

Annie packs for her first overseas mission. Ah, here we have another of those scenes with her sister Danielle that I love so much. Okay, Covert Affairs, we’re three episodes in, and Danielle has yet to show a single redeeming personality trait. She’s self-absorbed, oblivious, and spiteful, and her scenes are not fun to watch. I get that this is no doubt laying groundwork for future episodes where Annie will have difficulty keeping her work life and personal life separate, but Annie’s home life is dragging this otherwise buoyant and breezy show down. Here’s hoping Annie moves into her own place soon.

Upon arrival in Caracas, Diego takes Annie to the bank to meet Julia. Horrified at the age difference (Annie is 28, Diego is 20), Julia accuses Annie of being a “cougar” with impure intentions toward her baby brother. Tip, Julia: Anyone in her twenties cannot be classified as a cougar. Really. Annie spills the beans about her true intentions: She wants Julia to put an electronic tag on Victor’s Cayman Islands bank accounts so the CIA will be able to track the embezzled funds. In exchange, Annie will give Julia a US passport and a fresh new identity.

Julia, who has no intention of leaving her life in Caracas, initially refuses to believe Victor is involved with anything shady, but Annie eventually convinces her to play along. The password to Victor’s accounts changes every minute, so he carries an electronic fob which provides him with the current password whenever he’s in the proximity of Julia’s computer. Julia agrees to bring Victor to lunch with Annie and Diego, then swipe the fob from him during their usual post-lunch tryst.

Meanwhile, news of the discovery of Lopez’s dismembered body reaches the DPD. Joan, Jai and Auggie eat Chinese food and look glum and debate whether to pull Annie out of Venezuela, now that her cover may have been compromised. Jai is all for yanking her, while Joan and Auggie decide to leave her in place. Sadly, this is all Joan, Jai and Auggie will do for this entire episode: look grimly determined, contemplate aborting the mission, agree to keep Annie undercover for the time being. Repeat as necessary.

Also, there is no Peter Gallagher in this episode. What’s that all about?

At lunch, Annie relentlessly works her Smithsonian cover, quoting Bolivar for all she’s worth to convince Victor of her bona fides. Victor, who is either smitten or suspicious or both, offers to chauffer Annie to the Smithsonian. Annie and Julia make a hurried plan to meet at the bank later.

So Annie and Victor zip around Caracas in his Ferrari. Victor lets Annie take the wheel, then reveals that he knows she’s a spy and shoots her in the shoulder. Annie somehow manages to disarm him, beat him up, and throw him out of the car while still driving the damn Ferrari, which is no mean trick.

Wounded yet still plucky (she calls Auggie to cheerfully tell him she’s bleeding all over the posh interior of the Ferrari), Annie arrives at the bank and gives the fob to Julia, who gets the password and adds the electronic tag to Victor’s accounts. Victor and his henchmen arrive, but Annie, Julia and Diego manage to get out of the bank and flee to the States. Unbeknownst to Annie, Victor trails them out of the country.

Back in DC, Julia has difficulty adjusting to life without Victor, whom she still refuses to believe is a bad guy. Even though he, y’know, shot Annie. Julia is not terribly bright. Julia slips away from CIA protective custody and secretly meets with Victor at Potomoc Park.

Diego, Annie, and some random agent named Hughes trail Julia to her rendezvous with Victor. Hughes shoots and kills Victor just as he tries to strangle Julia with Lopez’s coin necklace. While all this goes down, Annie sort of hovers ineffectually on the sidelines.

Huh. Sort of an odd way to end things. I get that we’re too early in Annie’s development as a spy to see her killing people -- she doesn’t even carry a gun -- but it was a little jarring to have Mr. Random Agent step into the spotlight and wrap things up, especially since Joan, Jai and Auggie spent the entire episode loitering around the DPD headquarters looking like a trio of grim bunny rabbits. It’s been established that Auggie can’t do field work because of his blindness, and Joan doesn’t do field work because she’s the boss, but what’s Jai’s excuse? Two episodes of Jai, and he hasn’t stepped a single pretty foot outside Langley yet. This seems like an oversight.

Still, good show. It’s got a ways to go before it reaches its potential, if indeed it ever does, but I’m enjoying the journey.