Episode: Season Two, Episode Twelve: “Definitely Miami ”
Original airdate:
January 10, 1986
Directed by: Rob
Cohen
Written by:
Michael Ahnemann and Daniel Pyne
Summary:
Crockett becomes involved with Callie, a beautiful bad-news
blonde (Arielle Dombaselle) with a dangerous scuzzball of a husband, Charlie
(Ted Nugent, yikes). Believing Crockett to be his criminal alter ego, drug
runner Sonny Burnett, Callie and Charlie run a scam on him, one they’ve
executed successfully many times before: Claiming that Charlie is abusive, Callie
seduces shady men and maneuvers them into in sketchy deals with Charlie under
the pretense of protecting her, whereupon Charlie murders them and steals their
money.
Also, there’s a crippling heat wave going on. Everybody
sweats a whole hell of lot in this episode.
Meanwhile, the rest of the Vice squad works with Agent Dalva
(Albert Hall), an overly-ambitious assistant director of the Organized Crime Task Force,
to convince reclusive crime lord Sergio Clemente to surrender to the police and
turn state’s evidence against his fellow miscreants in exchange for immunity
from prosecution. Before turning himself in, Clemente has one demand: He wants
proof that his younger sister, Maria Rojas (Kamala Lopez), who has been hiding
in the witness protection program after testifying against Clemente, is still
alive. When Maria flatly refuses to meet with her brother (as her attorney puts
it, “My client declines to cooperate. She feels it might greatly shorten her
lifespan”), Dalva goes over Castillo’s head to force her to fall in line. Upon
seeing her brother for the first time since testifying against him, Maria stabs
him to death, then is promptly shot and killed by a sniper working for Clemente.
Iconic Moments:
This episode features a classic opening sequence in which
Charlie meets Callie’s latest target in a sand quarry, murders him, steals his
cash, and buries him in his Porsche under tons of sand. At the end of the
episode, after Crockett kills Charlie in self-defense in the same quarry, crime
scene investigators find multiple cars buried beneath the sand, suggesting that
Charlie and Callie have been pulling off their scam for a very long time.
Themes:
While Crockett figures he’s being manipulated by Callie from
the start, he’s still crushed to realize his suspicions about her motives were
correct. As long as he’s stuck always pretending to be sleazy, amoral Sonny
Burnett in public, there’s every chance his love interests will turn out to be
sleazy and amoral as well. As Tubbs gleefully tells him, “You attract some of
the weirdest women in the western hemisphere.” True words.
It’s All in the
Details:
To catch Crockett’s attention, a sunbathing Callie douses
her t-shirt in Perrier before slipping it over her bikini (and then slipping
off the bikini).
Eighties fashions are frequently derided (often with good reason),
but all of Callie’s pastel beachwear ensembles are on point. The woman knows
how to dress. It helps that French actress Arielle Dombasselle is such a knockout,
of course.
Sign of the Times:
Sergio Clemente’s messenger’s getaway driver has a phenomenal haircut. This dude has no
lines, and he’s only onscreen for a second or two, but nonetheless I think I
love him.
Music Notes:
Ted Nugent’s “Angry Young Man” plays over the opening
sequence. Very famously, Godley & Creme’s “Cry” closes the episode out, while a glum Crockett stands on the beach watching the police lead Callie away. Fun
fact: While “Cry” was a big hit on the pop charts, Kevin Godley and Lol Creme
are perhaps best known for directing some of the most popular music videos of
the eighties, including both “Girls on Film” and “A View To a Kill” for Duran
Duran.
Rating:
Three and a half flamingos.
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