Originally posted in 2010 at Forces of Geek
Christmas,
1984: A comet is scheduled to pass close to the Earth. Across the world, people
await its arrival. In Los Angeles, the streets teem with revelers, caught in
the grip of comet-mania. When
it comes, the comet turns the skies red with poisonous dust. It obliterates
most of the world’s population instantly, transforming everyone into sad little
piles of red powder. Those who don’t die become… well, they’re not true zombies
exactly, any more than the crazed, virus-infected Londoners in 28 Days Later were zombies, but let’s
face it: Night of the Comet, written and directed by Thom Eberhardt, is
a zombie film. And a damn fine zombie film it is, too.
Pre-apocalypse,
teen arcade whiz Regina (Catherine Mary Stewart) works at a movie theater,
where the manager does a brisk side business selling comet-themed
deely-boppers. Deely-boppers! I haven’t thought about deely-boppers since…
well, since 1984, I suppose. For those not in the know, deely-boppers are
headbands with twin antennae-like springs, usually topped with whimsical
shapes. Everything old becomes new again, and if other ephemeral and absurd
1980s fashions like jelly shoes and rubber bangle bracelets can experience a
second cultural renaissance, we should probably brace ourselves for a
deely-bopper revival in the immediate future.
While
the rest of the world throws a wild party to celebrate the comet’s arrival,
Regina spends the night with her boyfriend Larry in the theater’s steel-lined
projection booth, shielded from the deadly dust. When Larry ventures outside
the next morning, a dust-crazed, red-eyed, man-eating zombie slaughters him,
then sets his sights on Regina. His mistake: Regina kicks the crap out of him,
then hops on a convenient motorcycle and drives off at top speed.
As
she zips through the deserted streets toward her home, the full impact of the
devastation dawns on her. Obviously, Night of the Comet didn’t have a
lot of extra cash to spend on special effects, but the scenes of the
comet-devastated city—empty streets, piles of red dust everywhere, an ominous
red sky—do the trick. They’re effective and evocative.
Regina
meets up with her younger sister Samantha (Kelli Mulroney), who, following a
fight with their bitchy stepmother, spent the night protected from comet dust
in a metal gardening shed. Samantha, who hasn’t yet grasped this whole
the-world-has-just-been-annihilated business, wonders why none of her pep squad
mates are answering the phone to let her know if they’re still meeting for
practice. Is this pretty much just an excuse to have Samantha run around in a
cheerleading uniform for the whole movie? Of course it is.
Regina
breaks the news to her sister. “Do you think what happened here happened
everywhere?” a worried Samantha asks. “Like, in Burbank?”
Ever
practical, Samantha and Regina loot a deserted police car and arm themselves
with automatic weapons—which, as it happens, they know how to use quite well. Their
Green Beret father, currently off fighting the Sandinistas in Central America
(now there’s a sentence that firmly anchors this movie in a particular
moment in time), provided the girls with a crash course in survivalist training
during their formative years, including lessons in hand-to-hand combat and
optimal use of firearms. In the event of a zombie attack, Regina and Samantha
are exactly the team you want on your side.
Following
the signal of a still-broadcasting radio station, the girls head downtown,
where they cross paths with hunky fellow survivor Hector (Star Trek:
Voyager’s Robert Beltran), a truck driver who avoided the effects of the
comet by shacking up with a woman in the back of his semi. You know in horror
films how the promiscuous teens are always the first to get offed? In a nifty
inversion, both Regina and Hector survived because
they were boinking.
Hector
leaves for San Diego to check on his family, promising to return as soon as he
can. Samantha feels glum about how everyone in the world is dead—and how
Hector, apparently the last man on Earth, only has eyes for her sister—so to
cheer her up, Regina takes her to a deserted shopping mall. The girls dress up
in cocktail dresses and lingerie, try on makeup, and bop around to “Girls Just
Want to Have Fun,” then get into a big, messy shootout with a fierce band of
gun-toting zombie stock boys.
In
case phrases like “gun-toting zombie stock boys” aren’t enough to tip you off,
I’ll just state it outright: This movie is sort of awesome.
Regina
and Samantha get captured (gratuitous bondage alert!) by the zombie stock boys,
but members of an elite think tank, led by genial scientist Audrey (perennial
cult favorite Mary Woronov), burst in and rescue them. Alas, the think tank
folks are up to no good: They’ve been exposed to the red dust and are slowly
turning into zombies, so they’re rounding up uninfected survivors and draining
their blood to make a cure. Samantha stays behind in Los Angeles to await
Hector’s return while Regina, unaware of their evil intentions, accompanies the
think tank members to their desert compound.
Hector
returns, having had no luck in finding his family, and teams up with Samantha
to rescue Regina from the think tank. I don’t want to ruin the ending, but
here’s a hint: Automatic weapons get fired, stuff gets blown up, and zombies
die.
If
you’re thinking all this seems like pretty scanty material to make into a
full-length motion picture, you’re right. The plot of Night of the Comet
is… let’s just say it’s unfettered by an overabundance of twists and turns. It’s
fine. It works. It’s short and sweet and to the point, and hey: It’s a B-movie
about killer zombies. Nobody can reasonably ask for anything more.
The
charm of the film mostly lies with the two leads: Regina and Samantha make a
couple of cool, charming, competent, unflappable heroines. As Hector, Beltran
is an amiable hunk, willing to provide capable backup support and set off a few
(mild) romantic sparks with Regina. He’s overshadowed by his flashier female
costars, but heck, he’s supposed to be. This is their movie, and he’s just
along for the ride
(Of
interest to fans of science fiction and horror movies, or fans of cheeseball
1980s films, Kelli Maroney also starred in 1986’s Chopping Mall, a
cautionary tale about a group of horny teens who stage an all-night party in a
mall where the security guards have been replaced by malfunctioning killer
robots. If you enjoyed Night of the Comet, there’s a better than average
chance Chopping Mall will be up your alley as well.)
Night of the Comet establishes a fun, interesting universe—a post-apocalyptic world where teen girls in cheerleading uniforms run around with automatic weapons, kicking zombie tail—and it’s a shame audiences had to bid farewell to Regina and Samantha after just one adventure. The film really deserved a sequel, or maybe even a spin-off television series, featuring the weekly adventures of Regina, Samantha and Hector as they make their way across a comet-devastated world, fighting zombies, finding other survivors, and rebuilding society. I’d watch the crap out of it, while proudly wearing my comet-themed deely-boppers.
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