Fun With Keywords: Trampy Snakes Edition

Well, this is embarrassing. I’ve never done back-to-back keyword posts before, because... well, it’s lazy. However, I’m strapped for site material, and I wanted to have something fresh up before I leave for vacation next week (it’s my twenty-year high school reunion -- very exciting! And possibly a little traumatic! But mostly exciting!). So here I am, dipping from the keywords well yet again.

Site business first: Summer is always slow around here. This one is slower than usual, as I’ve dropped Covert Affairs recaps from my rotation and haven’t found anything to fill the void. Things will pick up soon: Psych recaps will resume, plus I’m going to take a look at a couple of the new fall shows. Thus far, I’ve pegged two strong early contenders: Ringer on The CW, which has the strange-yet-irresistible cast of Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ioan Gruffudd, and Nestor Carbonell, and ABC’s Once Upon a Time. Until then, expect to find sporadic posts on random topics.

On to the keywords! Here are some of the search phrases people entered into Google that led them to this site during the past month:


garbage goat
garbage goat wiki
The garbage goat in Riverfront Park in Spokane is very cool. It sucks down garbage! Practical and decorative! Every city should have one! When I’m in Spokane for my reunion, I’ll be sure to visit it, just to make sure it still exists.

trampy snakes
Love it. Don’t know what it means, but I love it.

"criminal minds" poorly written
Yeah. Not always, certainly, but this most recent season had more poorly-written episodes than solid ones. Perhaps the series will regain equilibrium when Season Seven kicks off in the fall, but I’m not optimistic.

duran duran women rumors
The general consensus of the rumor mill is that all the band members really, really like women. For those interested in investigating further, Google can direct you toward an appropriately tawdry website called GroupieDirt (really, the name is self-explanatory), which provides some purported firsthand accounts of wild nights with the boys from Birmingham. It’s all very salacious and scurrilous and sketchy, and nothing on it should be accepted as gospel truth, but if you’re in the mood for some juicy unsubstantiated rumors (sample: John Taylor is compared, favorably, to an anteater. Just ponder that one for a while), that’s one place to visit.

"madeleine farley"+fangs+boots
Hey, speaking of “duran duran women rumors”… This must be referring to a 2003 Tatler article on Nick Rhodes, in which his ex-girlfriend Madeleine Farley provided some insight into her life with him. Full quote: “He taught me how to wear make-up, how to dress. He's the closest link between gay men and straight women. He was the woman in our relationship. I had a pair of couture fangs surreptitiously made for him - the dentist and I were in cahoots. He'd always wear them in bed, and I'd have on my six-inch Manolos.” See, this sort of thing is exactly why Nick is my favorite Duran. John may be an anteater, but Nick’s the one with the fangs.

archie kennedy+trousers+what the hell
Huh. I don’t remember much about Archie’s trousers in Hornblower. I think I was too dazzled by his assortment of cute hats to even notice his bottom half. Hornblower: Come for the swashbuckling action, stay for the wacky hats.


who was ioan gruffudd in the titanic
He’s Fifth Officer Harold Lowe. He appears sporadically throughout Titanic, but his big moment is at the end, when he rescues Rose from the icy water. Gave him good practice for his starring role in Hornblower.

"what happens at home" criminal minds "silence of the lambs"
The business with Cadet Seaver running the obstacle course at Quantico, then being pulled out of training to track a serial killer? Yeah, I’m still not sure whether that was intended as an homage to Silence of the Lambs, or was just a straightforward rip-off. Either way, it had to be deliberate.

claire bennet is stupid brat
Yep. I gave up on Claire in the final wretched season of Heroes when she spat out her food in the Indian restaurant and made giggling remarks about how it was icky and weird. That’s pretty much pitch-perfect stupid-brat behavior, made all the more remarkable in that viewers were clearly intended to find her sympathetic in that scene. Note: Seeing a college kid spitting out food in public is neither cute nor sympathetic. Factor in some weird xenophobic overtones (it’s not standard American food; ergo, I can make fun of it with impunity), and it becomes kind of despicable.

what is the story behind the union of the snake video by duran duran
Good question. Couldn’t tell you. My best guess: A bunch of pretty English pop stars got drunk in Australia and decided to make a nonsensical -- yet awesome! -- video.

all about jai wilcox
Smoking-hot. Pretty hair, nice cheekbones, snazzy suits. Kind of cocky. Tends to sulk a bit. Looks particularly good whilst scampering on rooftops in pursuit of miscreants. Has an evil dad. Probably a good guy at heart, but the dark side is strong in him.

canadian actor thomas gibson
He’s from South Carolina, actually, though he starred in a couple of excellent Canadian films early in his career: Love and Human Remains and Stardom.

criminal minds behind the scenes drama
Waaaaaaay too much drama -- controversial firings, controversial new cast members, controversial changes to the creative staff, dangerously prolonged salary negotiations, the works. The ship seems to have righted itself in time for the new season -- both Paget Brewster and A.J. Cook have been rehired, hooray, and both Shemar Moore and Thomas Gibson have finally signed new contracts -- but wow, that was one messy season.

criminal minds sexiest episode
Despite the super-attractive and charismatic cast, Criminal Minds is not a sexy show. Really. Not sexy. At all. No.

duran duran arena tied up lingerie
I got all excited for a moment, thinking this was in reference to some awesome photo shoot, maybe circa the Arena album, featuring the Duran Duran boys posing in handcuffs and fishnets and lace teddies. Then I remembered the part in their Arena concert film involving lingerie-clad women in bondage, and I was very disappointed. Honestly, though, if anyone could’ve mainstreamed lingerie for men, it was Duran Duran in the early 1980s. If Simon and John had stepped onstage in, say, satin corsets and lace-trimmed tap pants, sure, a whole lot of guys would’ve made snickering comments… but sooner or later, some of those same guys would’ve given it a whirl for themselves. Because that’s the power of Duran Duran.

duran duran funny
Oh, man, they’re hilarious. Sometimes even on purpose! If Duran Duran had first achieved their worldwide fame now instead of in the 1980s, there’s no way they wouldn’t have their own awesome reality show to showcase their deliriously over-the-top exploits. At least we have Sing Blue Silver.

duran duran early pics
Few things in the world bring me as much joy as looking at awkward early photos of Duran Duran, back before they nailed down their whole sophisticated and worldly image, back when they still wore a lot of flouncy ruffled shirts, back when they all sported really unfortunate hairstyles. Here’s a good one. I particularly adore poor Roger’s bemused expression: “Can you believe Nick’s making me wear this shirt?”


duran duran video with water gets wet people
Can you narrow it down? “Wild Boys,” “Rio,” “Save a Prayer,” “The Reflex,” “Hungry Like the Wolf,” and “Girls on Film” all feature people getting wet in water.

juan lava's lactose free eggnog
That’d be a Psych reference. I miss Psych. It’s nutty.

least favourite criminal minds episode
“The Thirteenth Step,” by a landslide.

guy off criminal minds bad guy on flintstones movie?
Oh, yes. Yes, that’s Thomas Gibson, Criminal Minds’ ultra-stoic Hotch, smirking and sneering his way through The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, and he’s fabulous in it. Equally fabulous: Duran Duran’s beautiful John Taylor wincing throughout his mortifying cameo as the Keith Richards to Alan Cummings’s prehistoric Mick Jagger. Rent it, now!

thomas gibson looks depressed
Well, Hotch certainly does. Hotch, with good reason, might be the saddest, gloomiest, most emotionally-drained character on television. Dude’s been through a lot. Cut him some slack.

miami vice was awesome
Yes.

miami vice is awesome
Yes.

mohinder and eden
Sexy and adorable together. Just the sight of these two gorgeous kids reminds me that I didn’t always hate Heroes. By the way, Nora Zehetner -- Eden -- is awesome in Brick, which is one of those extremely cool little movies that almost no one has seen. It also stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Lukas Haas and Lost’s Emilie de Ravin. Highly recommended.

nick rhodes hair color
Brown, white, red, orange, black, black-and-blonde, and, for a thankfully brief spell in the nineties, purple (Quoth Nick in Attitude magazine: “It was a problem with my red wardrobe. All my red items were put on emergency hold”). He has since defaulted to being a full-time platinum blonde.

psych episode where gus has a sitcom family
In “The Polarizing Express,” Shawn imagines Gus as the star of a UPN sitcom, Wilin’ With Da Gusters. As with many things about Psych, it is equal parts awful and brilliant. View the clip here.

sendhil ramamurthy girlfriend
Wife, actually: He’s been married to gorgeous actress Olga Sosnovska for over a decade. They’ve got two adorable kids. I saw Sendhil out walking with his toddler son at a farmer’s market in Los Angeles last year, and my mad crush on him pretty much shriveled up and died right on the spot. Sendhil is so, so incredibly beautiful, but it seems faintly wrong and self-defeating to lust after somebody’s devoted husband and dad.

was thomas gibson nude in love and human remains
Nope. He stripped down to his extra-long boxer-briefs, but no further.

wesley crusher lucas wolenczak
Pretty much the same character, weren’t they? While both Wil Wheaton and Jonathan Brandis did what they could with the material they were given, both these teen-genius characters -- Star Trek: The Next Generation’s Wesley Crusher and SeaQuest DSV’s Lucas Wolenczak -- are blown out of the water by Max Headroom’s Bryce Lynch, television’s all-time most awesome teen genius. Teen genius characters are tough to successfully pull off. (The complete series of Max Headroom is now available on DVD. I give it my highest possible recommendation.)


the woolfman even men who is pur in his hart and his pray i like may become
Huh?

thesis duran duran
Ha! If anyone ever writes a thesis on Duran Duran, please send me a copy.