Fun With Keywords: Good Riddance to 2012 Edition

Is 2012 over yet? Not quite? Can we hurry this along?

Rough year. Let’s wrap it up with a look at some of the search terms people have used to find this website over the past few months, courtesy of Google Analytics:

simon lebon arrogant ass
Sure. Isn’t that why we love Simon?

anime bullshit
As my long hours spent navigating around the offerings at Crunchyroll have shown me, a whole lot of anime is indeed bullshit. Still, when you find just the right series, it is all so, so worth it.

nasty rumours and nick rhodes
Shockingly few. He even managed to keep his nose clean (pretty much literally!) during the mid-eighties cocaine scandal that rocked Duran Duran fandom. Perhaps, as I speculated in my Duranalysis of the video for Arcadia’s “The Flame,” Nick really does spend his evenings playing solitaire and microwaving Lean Cuisine meals.

wearing a speedo for the first time
Somewhere between traumatic and liberating, I’d imagine.

a short autobiography about a stylish boy
Huh. No idea. Is this a Tom Waits album?

shemar moore vs sendhil ramamurthy
Depends on the context. In a steel cage match, I’d put money on Shemar; in a beauty pageant, while both gents are knockouts, I give Sendhil the edge.

annoying preppy pron
I can see how preppy-geared porn (or pron, or p0rn, or what have you) could get annoying really fast. Nothing ruins a porno faster than a performer who refuses to remove his argyle sweater and Top-Siders.

boobs in duran duran wild boys
Yes, but you have to watch the extended version to catch any boobage. There are no topless Wild Girls in the version of the “Wild Boys” video that aired on MTV.

careless memories animation 2012
If anyone happens to have the new “Careless Memories” anime video–not the 2004 version; I’m talking about the brand-new one that Duran Duran showed on the screen above the stage during their recent concert tour—let me know where it may be found, and I will promptly Duranalyze the crap out of it. I think the boys need to do a whole series of these. Love them.

duranalysis falling down
I have not yet done a Duranalysis of “Falling Down”, but trust me, it’s high on my list. Not their best song, but the video is fabulous and well worth Duranalyzing.

clothes worn by shaun cassidy in the hardy boys
Sweeping bellbottoms, wide lapels, teensy athletic shorts, skintight striped sweaters. Awful, but somehow Shaun and Parker made it all look fetching and stylish.

corey feldman on psych why

criminal minds fanfiction the team learn of the magical world and how important reid is to it
I love fanfiction. I really do. I love that someone out there watched Criminal Minds—a very grim show about serial killers—and decided it could be improved with the incorporation of a magical world.

criminal minds spokane episode is ridiculous
Yes. Yes. Yes. You’re talking about “The Thirteenth Step”, right? There’s another Criminal Minds episode partially set in Spokane (“Open Season”, I believe), but “The Thirteenth Step” is the one that was so ridiculous and awful and downright irresponsible (I mean, the spree killer who sodomized one of his victims with a tire iron sees an image of his girlfriend waiting for him in heaven as he’s dying) that it made me stop watching Criminal Minds.

the top messes up criminal minds episodes           
I know there’s a tendency in the fanbase to blame the problems with Criminal Minds (I’m speaking specifically of the show’s trouble-plagued sixth season; I haven’t watched it since then to see if the boat has since righted itself, because that season ruined it for me) on the top brass at CBS, and there may be some validity to that—it was, I believe, solely CBS’s decision to fire two very popular and well-liked actresses and replace them with one younger actress, thus sending a clear signal that CBS considered female characters interchangeable and replaceable. That aside, I’m placing the responsibility for the nosedive in quality on the showrunner and producers and writers. It’s not CBS’s fault that an episode as ghastly as “The Thirteenth Step” was written and filmed.

gavail on solar babies
Pete Kowanko! Kowanko as Gavail pretty much stole Solarbabies right out from underneath Jason Patric’s and Jami Gertz’s beautiful noses, though Adrian Pasdar did make a manful attempt to wrestle it away from him.

flintstones in viva rock vegas funny
Yes. I shamefully admit it. The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas is funny.

gaeta unrequited baltar
All signs point to yes.

gina gershon tries to pass herself off as being white but she looks hispanic!!!
You seem to feel pretty strongly about this.

duran duran save a prayer video homoerotic undertones
I don’t have any earthly idea what you mean.

good romance episodes of criminal minds
Wha—No! It’s a show about serial killers. There are no good romance episodes of Criminal Minds, nor should there be.

most romantic criminal minds ep
Who are you people?

gundam wing boys where are they now
At a guess, Duo is happily shacked up with Hilde, Trowa is moping glamorously around the circus, Quatre is still doing his awesome Lawrence of Arabia act while running a few colonies at the same time, Wu Fei is insulting women and blowing shit up, and Heero is still wearing that same tank top.

hacker parkour ninja
Some of my favorite words. If I ever meet a ninja hacker who knows parkour, I’m proposing marriage on the spot.

hungry like the wolf making fun of

images from andy taylor's wild boy book
In his memoir, Andy mostly uses fun candid photos from his personal collection, including this not-at-all creepy and voyeuristic one of his dreaded nemesis Nick Rhodes trying to get some sleep:

Sleep with one eye open, Nick. When it comes to you, Andy’s still got some issues.

is spokane a safe apocolyspe
I suppose in an apocalypse, Spokane would be as safe as anywhere, i.e. not at all safe.

is tom cruise and thomas gibson related?
To the best of my knowledge, they is not.

james spader tuff turf awesome
Oh, yes. If you’re looking for a really solid, fires-on-all-cylinders eighties B-movie, and if you can’t find Night of the Comet, plop yourself down in front of Tuff Turf.  It features some of Spader’s finest work, and I am neither being sarcastic nor trying to damn Spader with faint praise with that statement.

john taylor in the pleasure groove annoying
I didn’t find In the Pleasure Groove annoying—I thought John Taylor came across as very likeable and thoughtful. I enjoyed it. I do think he held back a little too much. I would have liked to see him be a little less controlled and restrained.

…Okay, fine. It’s a little boring. I thought In The Pleasure Groove was a little boring. But not annoying!

john taylor of duran can turn a straight guy
I suppose if anyone could, John could. (Or any of the other Durans, really. Here's Def Leppard's Joe Elliott in I Want My MTV: The Uncensored Story of the Music Video Revolution on the subject of all those fetching Durans: “As much as they were all heterosexuals, you could understand why gay men would fancy them. Especially Nick Rhodes. I mean, even we fancied Nick Rhodes.)

jonny lee miller and ll cool j
Mindhunters! Fine stuff, Mindhunters. As I have more than a passing fondness for both LL Cool J and JLM, I dragged my friend Heather to see Mindhunters at the Beverly Center. She refused to see it sober, so we hit the bar for cocktails first. When we told our waiter which movie we were there to see, he gave us a look of profound sadness and said, “We show good movies here too, you know.”

max headroom post-apocalyptic
Dystopic, certainly, but I don’t remember there being anything to suggest it was outright post-apocalyptic. In the original UK pilot, the terrain does look a little bleak—the Network 23 building is the only skyscraper on an otherwise flat horizon—but certainly the US version takes place in a sleek, high-tech, Blade Runner-esque megacity. No signs of a recent apocalypse.

Max Headroom is awesome. Just want to throw that out there.

miami vice crockett loses his memory
Fantastic. My sister and I rewatched that chunk of episodes recently where Crockett loses his memory and his marbles in a boat explosion, then runs around causing chaos in Miami while trying to shoot Tubbs, and it is some damn entertaining television.

mohinder unpopular heroes
Yeah. Which I still don’t really understand. I mean, yes, Mohinder on Heroes was monstrously incompetent, sure, but honestly, pretty much every single character on that show had more than a few moments of blithering idiocy, so I’m not sure why Mohinder got singled out for viewer scorn. And he was just so beautiful.

movie with a group of young teenagers stranded in a post apocalyptic world meet two people that are actually aliens
I don’t know, but: a) I bet it was made in the eighties, and b) it sounds kind of awesome.

matthew perry young
Fellow children of the eighties, remember when Young Matthew Perry was everywhere on television? I’m looking at his IMDB page right now, and he cut a wide swath through sitcoms: Growing Pains, Who’s the Boss?, Charles in Charge, Just the Ten of Us, Silver Spoons, Empty Nest… He’s one of those actors who was ubiquitous before he was famous.

panda sexy killer
Three words that do not belong together in any combination.

paul popowich and colin gray
Ah, yes, the short-lived mid-nineties Canadian-produced Hardy Boys TV series, right? My sister and I rewatched it recently—we really liked it at the time, but sadly, it doesn’t hold up all that well. The half-hour format made for some pretty truncated investigations, a problem compounded by the sluggish pacing. Colin and Paul were cute, though.

preppies of the apocalypse show
No. Not yet. Not even a podcast.

psych character dark eyelashes
Declan Rand, played by Lost’s Nestor Carbonell, with an assist from his astonishingly beautiful eyelashes.

sleazy girls in spokane
Growing up in Spokane, I was always pretty squeaky clean. I did have a number of sleazy friends, all of whom I admired greatly.

spokane unfriendly to outsiders
It’s not at an epidemic level or anything—I will hasten to point out that I met several friendly people during my last visit to Spokane—but overall, yeah. Of the three cities in which I’ve lived, Spokane is considerably more standoffish to visitors than either Los Angeles or New York.

the badge neal holds in vital signs
Came out of a cereal box. Nobody in their right mind would give White Collar’s beautiful, shifty Neal a real badge.

way back in 1984, actor bruce willis and miami vice playing a gun runner. what was the gun runner's name
Tony Amato, in the episode “No Exit.”  Good episode, good creepy performance by a very young Willis.

what's wrong with jonny lee miller's british accent?
Not a damn thing. Jonny Lee Miller was, after all, born and raised in England.


Dan Liebke said…
Can I just say that I'm going to try and update my search engine phrasing style to be more like the person who said:

way back in 1984, actor bruce willis and miami vice playing a gun runner. what was the gun runner's name

"Yo, Google, wassup? I'm looking for the name of that movie with whatsisname with the tatts and the blonde with the rack. What was that again? Mid-90sish? You know the one. Get back to me. Thanks."
Morgan Richter said…
Dan, I, too, am tickled by these hyper-conversational search phrases that come up. Ergo, from an older keywords post: a guy and a woman, they're driving in some european country and they get stopped at some sort of checkpoint, and they get through (i think he's a spy or something) and there are all these people getting killed at the checkpoint by soldiers. There's something kind of awesome about treating Google searches like you're just having a chat with a buddy.
Jackie said…
I'm guessing that, much like I believed when I was six that there was a man in the fridge who turned off the light after I closed the door, some folks think google search is run by a charming if slightly vague older gentleman who needs a lot of memory-prompting detail.

Great post :).
Morgan Richter said…
Jackie, I'm tickled by the idea of someone thinking there's someone on the other end of Google, painstakingly responding to search queries one by one. Love it.

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