PREPPIES OF THE APOCALYPSE

We kick off with a particularly meandering Mohinderlogue about how there’s nearly seven billion people on this planet, and he’s going to tell us about each and every one of them. Mohinder, babe, I’m really sorry your role on the series has been reduced to this, but could you maybe start wrapping it up? It’s the season finale, and we’ve got a lot of ground to cover.

Bennet, Angela and Claire drive into Washington D.C. Angela has a prophetic dream about Nathan, right about the time Bennet realizes the roadblock they’re approaching is a trap. While Claire and Angela scurry to safety, Bennet lets himself get apprehended by Danko’s goons.

Sylar pins Danko to the wall and explains how he came back to life after getting stabbed in the head. You know that microscopic part of his brain that must be destroyed in order for him to die? He used his shape-shifting ability to move it to a different area of his brain. This was very forward-thinking of him. Considerably less forward-thinking is …

Hiro and Ando urge Matt to help them overthrow Building 26, but Matt refuses. Instead, he drives to California and delivers Baby Matt to Janice. He starts laying the groundwork for getting back together with her. This seems a bit hasty, considering how two episodes ago he tried to, y’know, murder that innocent Eastern European prostitute to get vengeance for the death of his dream girl Daphne. Matt’s characterization has sort of been all over the place this volume. While Matt and Janice moon over each other, Danko’s goons converge on the house.

Hiro and Ando break into Isaac’s loft/Mohinder’s lab, where Hiro mocks Ando’s chosen superhero alias, Crimson Arc. They bicker and squabble for far too long, until Danko’s goons mercifully arrive to apprehend them. Hiro lets Ando get captured, then disguises himself as one of the goons. His deception is soon revealed, but Ando knocks the goons out with his red lightning powers, and they both escape. Ando is plenty upset with Hiro for us…

Hey! Hey! No fair! This episode opens with some Mohinder-heavy “Previously on Heroes…” footage that we’ve never seen! Okay, granted, “Mohinder argues with his landlord” might not be the most scintillating plotline Heroes has ever drummed up, and maybe it deserved to be excised, but we’ve had very little quality Mohinder exposure this volume. In any case, if the footage was necessary enough to the current episode to require summarizing, it should have been necessary enough to appear in an episode.

(Fair warning: I’m going to be talking about Mohinder an awful lot. That’s because thinking about Mohinder and his freakishly lovely bone structure always boosts my spirits, and after this sloppy, improbable, boring, dismal episode, my spirits are in desperate need of boosting. Heroes may sometimes suck eggs, but Mohinder is always beautiful.)

At Coyote Sands, Nathan, Peter, Claire, and Bennet dig up bunches of skeletons at Angela’s behest. Peter asks Angela why they’re doing this. Oh…

Bennet examines Fake Sylar’s corpse, which has a metal spike in the brain. He figures, correctly, that Sylar being dead is too good to be true. When Sandra, upset about Claire’s latest vanishing act, unexpectedly drops by Building 26, Bennet introduces her to Danko. Later, however, Danko encounters another Danko in the men’s room. The first Danko turns out to be Sylar, who’s been using his newfangled shape-shifting ability for mischief. Sylar-as-Danko cheerily tells Danko he’s going to destroy Bennet.

Angela calls Bennet to fill him in about her prophetic dream, which involves a mysterious incident that took place years ago at a place called Coyote Sands.

Bennet discovers that Fake Sylar has been scheduled for cremation. He tracks down the corpse, removes the spike from Fake Sylar’s skull, and orders Danko’s goons to run a DNA test. Bennet is acting completely buggy and mad and paranoid, but since he’s dealing with Sylar, it’s kind of understandable.

Sandra stops by Bennet’s apa…

The following post contains nothing but a bunch of vague Heroes spoilers compiled from various sources. There’s nothing terribly specific or insider-y about any of this information, but nonetheless, die-hard spoiler-phobes probably shouldn’t click through. Just enjoy this awesome cast photo Greg Grunberg posted on TwitPic. Aren't they adorable? Hard to think we might be saying goodbye to one of them soon.

Oops. That may have been a spoiler.

Careful readers may be able to detect a certain trend in the spoilers trickling out about the upcoming Heroes season finale:

From Entertainment Weekly: (In the finale) Sylar kills a regular Hero that's been on the show since Season 1. And it sticks.

From E! Online: One character is marked for death and we're going to see the beginning of his or her downward spiral starting with the next ep.(“Cold Snap”)

It seems pretty well indicated that one of the regulars is going to be offed in the finale. Figuring out who it’s going to be is a lit…