Duranalysis Master Post
Welcome to Duranalysis!
Back in 2011, I began posting tongue-in-cheek analyses of vintage Duran Duran music videos here. The project soon gained a life of its own, and I expanded the scope to encompass all things Duran-related—documentaries, books, movies, you name it.
Know of anything you’d like to see Duranalyzed? Suggestions are always welcomed. Leave a comment anywhere on this site, or feel free to email me (me_richter (at) yahoo (dot) com) or Tweet at me.
This post is updated regularly to mirror the Duranalysis Main Page.
Here’s an overview, with links, of all the Duranalysis posts found on this site:
THE 1980s VIDEOSPlanet Earth
“It looks like they’re performing in a vast, icy chamber, like they’re the house band at the Fortress of Solitude, though I would’ve pegged Superman as more of a Springsteen man.”
“Aside from the performance footage, Nick spends most of his scenes either partially or entirely hidden behind Roger. This marks the first and only time in Duran Duran’s thirty-year history that Nick will be stuck in Roger’s shadow.”
“I admire the in-your-face way this video establishes Duran Duran’s credo: They like naked girls, they like sleaze, they like wearing makeup, they like looking beautiful and glamorous, and if you have a problem with any of that, they’re not going to lose sleep over it.”
“Y’know, upon close scrutiny, this is not one of Duran Duran’s more complex videos. No Afro-Caribbean zombies, no post-apocalyptic hellscapes, no mutants, no mimes, no lightsaber-wielding soldiers on horseback. It’s just about Simon’s quest to find a really hot woman.”
“The boys hang out in the branches above an elephant lagoon. They look sort of glamorous and wild, like they’re posing for an ill-conceived Lord of the Flies-inspired fashion spread.”
“John looks… surprised? Thoughtful? Sleepy? Sometimes it’s tough to suss out what’s going on inside John’s pretty, pretty head.”
“Nick is being his usual magical-pixie self, i.e. slinky and fetching and faintly terrifying all at once.”Rio
“My film-school training prohibits me from counting “gorgeous nitwits cavort on a yacht” as a legitimate plot, so I have to dock the video points for the absence of a cohesive narrative.”
“Check out the amount of makeup on John! He’s tarted up like the Whore of Babylon, and I highly approve.”Is There Something I Should Know?
“Getting drunk on champagne cocktails with Nick Rhodes just became one of my new Wildly Improbable Life Goals. That’d be awesome. Oh, sure, he’d probably chide me for the gaps in my knowledge of the art world and make withering comments about my cheap shoes, but it’d totally be worth it.”
“Fair warning: This video is teeming with mysterious brunettes.”
“For reasons I can’t quite peg, everything John and Nick do together in this video fills me with glee. They’re like a dissolute, fabulous Brit-pop version of the Hardy Boys. Also, I think they might be kind of drunk.”
“They’re just a bunch of fun-loving English lads who are irresistible to pre-teen girls and who also might, on occasion, enjoy being ridden like ponies.”
“I can’t really speak to Nick’s electrical know-how or mechanical prowess, but my gut feeling is that if you’re being held captive in an underground fortress by a feral band of mutants and your best chance of escape hinges upon Nick Rhodes spot-welding a circuit board… you’re screwed.”
“So Simon’s just loitering around the Eiffel Tower, blowing up stuff halfway across the world. Simon is a menace to polite society.”
“All the panting and grunting on the track makes me feel claustrophobic and annoyed, like I’m trapped on a crowded subway train while some lady has a loud orgasm right next to me.”
“John, a lapsed Catholic with a lifelong interest in spirituality, is presumably seeking redemption for unspecified past sins, whereas Nick, an avowed atheist with a thirst for the baroque, is presumably scouting fresh design ideas for his home décor.”
THE ARCADIA VIDEOSGoodbye Is Forever
“They both seem absurdly pleased with their current predicament. You’re in a cage, boys. I don’t know that you should look happy about it.”
“Look, everything I’ve ever heard about Nick suggests he’s both glamorous and weird, and that’s how I prefer it. If it turns out he spends most of his evenings playing computer solitaire and microwaving Lean Cuisine entrees, I don’t ever want to hear about it.”
“With his dark suit and grim countenance, Simon looks like a funereal groom trudging down the aisle, with Nick flanking him as his malevolent corpse bride. They look glamorous and evil, like a pair of supervillains from the best Roger Moore-era James Bond film never made.”
THE 1990s VIDEOSCome Undone
"From the Wikipedia entry on this video: “Newly muscular guitarist Warren Cuccurullo is almost unrecognizable to fans who were accustomed to his formerly waif-like appearance.” You look good, Warren. Nice pecs. Stop editing your Wikipedia mentions to point out how incredibly buff you are."
"Nick often speaks in Zen kōans peppered with bon mots, like a Vivienne Westwood-garbed Buddhist monk after a few glasses of champagne. Nick is, as always, the greatest."
“Probably even the softest-hearted, most ardent Duranie would, on occasion, find the thought of seeing Simon Le Bon wrapped in chains and dropped into a tank of hungry sharks not entirely displeasing. Ditto for Nick and Andy. Maybe even John. (Not Roger, though. Nobody wants to see Roger eaten by sharks. That would be wrong.)”
“The party is mostly comprised of slender, androgynous men and leggy, voluptuous women. Well, sure. This is exactly what happens when you leave Nick in charge of the guest list.”
Out of My Mind
“Nick, resplendent in lime green satin, opens up a trunk, from which emerges a scantily-clad bald woman with runes and tendrils tattooed all over her face and scalp. Oh, god, Nick, I think I’m learning more about your personal life than I ever needed to know.”
CURRENT-ISH VIDEOS(Reach Up For The) Sunrise
“Just going by this video, here are the most important things in Andy’s world: family, friends, nature, music, and boobs.”
“Even while sporting glowing red eyes and fangs, Nick is drawn to look sleeker and prettier than his fellow Durans. I would expect no less from Nick.”
“None of the band members, by the way, are at all plausible as medical professionals. I don’t care how many clipboards you tote around, Simon, I still don’t buy you as a doctor.”
“The gorgeous extravagance, the hilariously louche behavior, the gender-bending, the mild kink, the vast amounts of champagne, the pretty sparkly things… this video has Nick’s impeccably-manicured fingers all over it.”
“Everyone looks good, like they’ve been following sensible diets while getting plenty of sleep and fresh air and exercise. I mean, they probably haven’t--we’re talking about Duran Duran, louche party boys extraordinaire--but they look like they’ve been behaving themselves.”
Book Report: In the Pleasure Groove versus Wild Boy
“While Wild Boy is a perfectly apt title, part of me is surprised Andy didn’t just go for broke and name his book Fuck You, You Revlon-Wearing Tosser.”
“I could fume about this, but instead I think I’m going to sit back and quietly marvel at the cognitive dissonance required for Nick Rhodes to get all snotty and dismissive at the idea of anyone venturing outside the arbitrary boundaries of established gender roles.”
Book Report: Andrew Golub's Beautiful Colors
"Durandy collects Duran Duran memorabilia the way Nick Rhodes collects art, or Simon Le Bon collects fine wine, or Andy Taylor collects grudges. In other words, it’s a serious business."
DOCUMENTARIES AND MISCELLANEOUSSing Blue Silver
“While this is taking place, Roger waltzes in front of the camera and, oh gee, his pants appear to be sexily unbuttoned. Roger Taylor: stealth exhibitionist.”
“The exquisite John Taylor appears in one brief additional scene, in which he takes a mid-concert break to slurp down a Heineken and leer at a cute fan whilst looking sweaty and extra-smoldering. This is unquestionably Arena’s finest moment.”
“I covet that sweater like I’ve coveted few pieces of clothing in my life. Any old slob can own a Duran Duran t-shirt; only John Taylor owns Duran Duran knitwear.”
“As if realizing he hasn’t shed too much light on the subject, he shrugs and concludes, “I like things that are nice to look at." Fair enough, John. So do I, and that’s why you’ll always have a place in my heart.”
“Oh, holy hell, I’ve changed my mind: I do have the heart to mock John Taylor. “My Own Way” has never been one of Duran Duran’s stronger songs, but even so, John’s version doesn’t do it justice. It’s droning and tuneless. It is the worst thing any Duran has ever done, and I’ve heard their cover of “911 is a Joke.””
“Ah, there’s Our Nick: In lieu of doing sit-ups, he’s reclining on a sofa, his makeup flawless, looking as crisp and glacial as Grace Kelly while yammering on the phone: "You have to keep yourself pretty fit, really, because it's going to be six and a half to seven months on tour, and it's quite exhausting." I swear, at times it seems like Nick is permanently auditioning to join the cast of AbFab.”
“At this, Nick quirks his eyebrows and sneaks a quick peek at the camera, checking to see if anyone’s buying into whatever Simon’s yammering on about. Nope. Nobody is, Nick.”
“If I’m ever graced with the opportunity to meet Nick, here’s how I’m pretty sure it’ll play out: We'll be having this amazing conversation about, I dunno, postmodernism or Bulgarian cinema or fancy shoes or whatever, and then in the middle of it, he'll shout out, "Accessories!” and wander off in pursuit of shiny things, and I'll never see him again.”The Making of Red Carpet Massacre
“Roger gives viewers a concise rundown of the band’s approach to recording an album. He’s very polite and unassuming, as is his wont, though he does use the word “abrasive” twice while describing the working relationships amongst the band members.”
“Roughly ninety-five percent of the time, I’m convinced there is no flesh-and-blood person named “Nick Rhodes”—he’s actually a computer-generated hologram, or a fairy prince, or a wildly self-amusing performance art piece, or possibly a lethal yet glamorous cyborg sent from the future. And then videos like this come along, and I have to revisit all my preconceptions about Nick, because, damn it all, he seems real here.”
DURANALYSIS FILM SCHOOL
"I understand the rationale for casting him in this film, believe me: He’s beautiful and ridiculously photogenic! In real life, he’s wildly charismatic! He’s playing a wealthy, debauched, depraved, wine-swilling, coke-snorting Brit who sexes up lots of ladies! This should certainly be within John’s skill set. In theory, it makes sense. In execution, it’s a disaster."
DURAN DURAN COMIC BOOKS